Conclusion:

…So, I propose that all you non-cracked.com/video/picture bloggers out there who have something at the very least mildly amusing to say, I hereby extend my hideiously deformed hand (which also was horribly burned in a fire and embedded with glass in a near-fatal car accident) and ask of you your friendship…as well as partnership in an alliance [...]

Luckily for Mr. Ledger, most children aren’t smart enough to make “ledger” jokes. Luckily for me, I have dictionary.com
Heath Ledger (who was born with a name which involves the ill-conceived combination of a chocolate toffe bar and a book used to record transactions) is dead. I hereby express my sympathy to all you hugely gay-men [...]