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There Goes the Neighborhood…

Just 24-hours after President Obama’s Inauguration, 16 homes were put up for sale

Washington D.C. — Whilst President Barack Obama is enjoying his first days in the White House, nearby home prices fell by as much as 50 percent. “There goes the neighborh…” said one resident, who stopped mid-sentence when he realized I was holding a microphone. “My best friend is black” said the elderly white gentleman who failed to identify himself. He then abruptly locked himself in his 3456 Pennsylvania Ave. estate while singing the National Anthem (of Canada, for some reason) and using a “White Power” bracelet to conceal his Swastika tatoo. “It’s a temporary tatoo…I found it in a box of Cracker-Jacks,” he later admitted after I threatened to call fellow black reporter Todd “BLACK-LIGHTNING” Tolken to the scene.

A “Cracker-Jacks” Spokesman known only as “Leeroy” claims that the tatoo did not come from “Cracker-Jacks.” Instead, it belongs to its father company “Nigger-Jacks,” which had first opened during the late 1950’s. “It was a different time,” said Leeroy, “Being openly racist was the cool thing to do. Then, after that darn Civil Rights movement, we were all forced to be racist in the privacy of our own homes, community centers, discriminatory hiring practices, inflated interest rates, college admittance and, of course, Klan meetings.“

As it turns out, racism is a “bad” thing and should not be tolerated. Nor should it be given access to public media,such as this website, to spread their message of hate. Afterwards, I conducted a 30-minute interview with several racist homebuyers and property-value appraisors that was broadcasted, live, throughout the entire country…I’m fired,aren’t I? In that case, I am not obligated to finish this story, though I am obligated to say that I am a registered sexoffendor and cannot not reside within 600 feet of a school, playground or PTA meeting.

Posted on
Sunday, January 25th, 2009