The Nobel Hope Prize
On October 9th, 2009, President Barak Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. He was nominated for this, one of the most esteemed awards a human being can win (up there with the Daytime Emmy, Latin Grammy, and the fabled MTV Music Award), just 11 days after having been sworn in as President.
The reason is quite painfully obvious. The Nobel Peace Prize is a front for something far more sinister. But first a brief history lesson.
Alfred Nobel founded the Nobel Peace Prize in his last will and testimate, to be awarded to people who have made great discoveries in specific scientific fields or written a great work of idealic literature. But who was Alfred Nobel? Nobel may best be known for his founding of the Peace Prize, but the man himself was actually an inventor.
Nobel found that combining nytroglycerine with certain other compounds stabilized it into a more usuable substance. What substance? Dynamite and Gelignite (better known as blasting gelatin). Alfred Nobel stabalized one of the destructive chemical compounds known to man, allowing it to be used more safely to destroy things more easily, then set up a “Peace” Prize for “great works“.
The most esteemed “Peace” prize is to be awarded to “the person or society that renders the greatest service to the cause of international fraternity, in the suppression or reduction of standing armies, or in the establishment or furtherance of peace congresses.” (-Wikipedia)
President Obama clearly demonstrates his “reduction of standing armies” when he has, so far, done nothing to reduce troop deployment in Iraq or Afghanistan. Will this trend lead to giving awards for good intentions and best laid plans. Will next year’s Oscar’s be based on planned movies?
With this in mind, we here at Project Julio would like to submit the following movie for consideration in the 2010 Academy Awards:
A Hobo’s Struggle. Starring George Clooney, Oprah Winfrey, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, with Catherine Zeta Jones, Neil Patrick Harris and, back from the dead, Mahatma Gandhi. Steven Spielberg will be directing, with Michael Bay in charge of the giant robot battle sequences. This film promises to bring tears of joy, tears of happiness, intense alien battles, and visual effects unlike anything ever witnessed, ever. All mixed in with scenes leading to awkward erections, and weeping children. Our organization will be spending upward of 200 trillion dollars on the film, that is expected to be at least 43 hours long, with a special directors cut featuring over 100,000 hours of real hobo interviews.
Also, those of us here at Project Julio would like to appologize in advance for being unable to attend the academy awards, and would like our awards mailed to us. Thank you in advance.
-Jorge
8 Comments to “The Nobel Hope Prize”
Below 80? I think it was at least 3, which means his IQ is zero now…so either he’s a catatonic vegetable, or he’s clinically dead.
Your IQ dropped because we taught you about the creator of the Nobel Prize and juxtaposed Obama’s award with “the extensive irony (the best kind) presented in the new movie which contains intense (though unrealistic) awesomeness that, simple because we intend to make it, we therefore should win a highly esteemed award for it as opposed to other movies that actually were made.” I don’t think your IQ dropped; it was below 80 the whole time.
I did not laugh once. Mostly I’m just really confused and feel like my IQ has dropped a few points.
But pictures also DISTRACT stupid people from reading sentences…
also, the comparison of The Mona Lisa and R. Kelly in the same sentence make me laugh out loud (LOL LUL and LAWL) and subsequently, I choked on my tongue…YOU-GH BAS-GH-TARD-FFFF!!!
Oh and Jorge you should probably get a Gravatar at http://www.gravatar.com so a cute little picture pops up on your posts and comments. It makes people more likely to think you’re funny because pictures make stupid people read sentences!
I think Jesus’s essay (the homeless one) titled “I’m HOmeless, Goddamnit” is a Nobel Prize worthy essay. We’ll just use that one after be blow up ALL award shows, including the Academy Awards, and whatever award show Kanye West interrupted to hit on Beyoncee. She’s fucking hot. We get it. But you ain’t gonna tap that Kanye’. Sorry. Nice try though; I give you props for that shit. But not gonna happen. She likes white dudes…in which case I’M gonna award BEYONCEE an OSCAR…the one in my pants…I’m referring to my penis if you haven’t realized that yet.
I think we need a unanimous vote to drop the nukes on The Academy Awards in the name of “Peace”…and then write an essay worthy of a Nobel Prize.
In addition to sporting an awkward erection, I am very VERY pleased with the extensive irony (the best kind) presented in the new movie which contains intense (though unrealistic) awesomeness that, simple because we intend to make it, we therefore should win a highly esteemed award for it as opposed to other movies that actually were made.
I believe that to edit THIS would be the equivalent of editing the Mona Lisa or R. Kelly’s sex tape. For removing a SINGLE brush stroke or urine splatter would ruin the logic of the entire work of art!
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