What the hell is wrong with you, metal? You let a little “sunlight” re-arrange your structed molecules, thereby causing a collapse of your rigid structure, which then forces your molecules to move in multiple directions resulting in your transformation from a solid into a liquid?  YOU PUSSY! For Christ’s sake, even water, the pussiest of [...]

Trees. Nature’s solution to cold, dark and damp caves whose only comfort consists of using bat shit as pillows. But there is something sinister at work here. They have become “self-aware.” With their ability to live hundreds of years, these cunning masters of stationary espionage have concocted a way in which to “infect” humans with [...]