projectjulio.com » foreign policy http://projectjulio.com/index.htm Warning: This site contains Irony, Satire, parody and scathing criticism of imminent social and political issues. Viewer discretion IS advised Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:40:41 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Bill Clinton Secures Release of Entire North Korean Population http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/2009/08/bill-clinton-secures-release-of-entire-north-korean-population/ http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/2009/08/bill-clinton-secures-release-of-entire-north-korean-population/#comments Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:51:00 +0000 Julio http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/?p=54

Bill Clinton, Kim Jong Il and 18 million North Koreans

Bill Clinton, Kim Jong Il and 18 million North Koreans

Former President Bill Clinton has secured the release of not only the two American journalists, but also the entire population of North Korea. According to sources within the White House, Clinton initially bonded with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il through a series of insults directed at Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. He then asked Kim Jong Il “please” and then “pretty please” to release the Americans. However, when Clinton added, “I’ll throw in a signed copy of Cher’s ‘Believe’ CD,” Kim Jong Il removed his ‘Elton John‘ replica sunshades and, with a look of utter awe in his tiny squinting eyes, released the entire oppressed population of his country over to Mr. Clinton.

“I’m very proud of my husband,” said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “It’s absurd, though, to think of Bill’s actions as a case of male egoism usurping a female’s authority. He trusts me; I mean, sometimes he lets me answer the phone without asking AND go to the bathroom by myself,” she added.

“They (the North Korean people) all suffered from a similar plight to those journalists,” said former President Bill Clinton, “It would look like favoritism if I only rescued ‘Americans’ from the iron-clad lesbian sunglasses of Kim Jong Il.” The former president has already written a memoir of his historic diplomatic mission, including a section devoted entirelly to the insults directed towards Hillary Clinton during the discussions. Among those included in the draft are:
1. You might look like a lesbian, Kim, but my wife…let’s just say she gets more pussy than a box of tampons! Oh Right!
2. Bill…your wife, she’s rather like a bronze statue of myself during the winter months: freezing cold and, uhm…covered in bronze!
3. Kim, that didn’t make any sense…much like my wife’s campaign in the Democratic Primary! Heyoooo!!!
]]> http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/2009/08/bill-clinton-secures-release-of-entire-north-korean-population/feed/ 8 FROST-HITLER: The Secret Interviews FINALLY Released! http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/2009/07/frost-hitler-the-secret-interviews-finally-released/ http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/2009/07/frost-hitler-the-secret-interviews-finally-released/#comments Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:44:00 +0000 Julio http://projectjulio.com/index.htm/?p=53
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Until now, no one really knows what happened during Hitler’s last days on Earth…except, maybe, for the guy who wrote this book. Or the guy who wrote the screenplay for this movie. And maybe even God (i.e. FSM). But I bet you would have never guessed that British journalist, David Frost/Oprah Winfrey, parachuted behind enemy lines during the last days of WWII to conduct an interview of the likes the world had never seen…and interview with the infamous genocidal dictator, Adolf Hitler/Dick Cheney. Below is a transcript of the interview. Unfortunately, the video itself was given to NASA for safekeeping…and they eventually recorded over it with sports bloopers and fart jokes. Fucking NASA.
FROST/HITLER Interview; April 30th, 1945; 12:00 H.S.T. (Hitler Standard Time)…oh, and Hail Hitler!

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Frost: Thank you, Hitler, for taking the time to see me. It’s an honor, no a priveledge, no a wish come true to be here in your presense today. Let’s film that again; I don’t want to be interpreted as Pro-Hitler, but rather, Hitler-Sympathetic. *clears throat* I appreciate you taking the time to see me, mein Fuhror…FUCK! How about you start?

FROST/HITLER Interview; April 30th, 1945; 12:05 H.S.T. (Hitler Standard Time)…oh, and Hail Hitler!

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Hitler: Thank you, Frost, for wasting the final moments of my life with a paltry attempt of muckraking by making a man whom everyone knows is guilty admit that he’s guilty. Great job! Here’s my idea for your NEXT interview: O.J. Simpson


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Frost: Who’s “O.J. Simpson”?


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Hitler: Nevermind. Anway, I assume you want to ask me about the “holocaust,” my antisemitism, my abusive father and the invasion of Europe and its subsequent anexation by Germany.
Oprah
Frost: Oh, right, of course. Please, tell me about the “holocaust,” your antisemitism, your abusive father and the invastion of Europe with that anexxy-thing you mentioned.

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Hitler: Well, obviously due to my antisemitism, I vehemently despise the Jewish race. I simply took that hate to its logical conclusion and killed as many of them as I could. So, I suppose, in that way, I was victorious. However, if it wasn’t those darned kids, the United States of America, we’d be conducting this interview in German and you’d be licking my boots! And speaking of which, PLEASE stop licking my boots!
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Frost: Sorry, Mein Fuhror! I mean, I was collecting DNA for cloning purposes.

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Hitler: What’s “cloning”?

Oprah
Frost: Nevermind. Anyway, now I’d like to ask you if you are ready to apologize for the murder, by way of execution, torture and/or acts of war, of 20 million people.
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Hitler: You’ve got me there Mr. Frost. I have no choice but to concede this debate over to your side. What I did was wrong. I gave the order for the execution, torture and acts fo war which were responsible for the deaths of 20 million people. I’m…I”m…sorry.
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Frost: …this interview needs to be about 12-hours long in order to get a movie deal, so could you please hold out just a LITTLE longer?
*explosion* *gunshots* *unintelligible Russian voices*

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Hitler: I’m afraid I’ll have to be going. If the Russians catch me alive they’ll yank off my testicles
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Frost: But…but where will you go? You CAN’T go…you’re my hero!
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Hitler: But I MUST go, Mr. Frost. You’re a real journalist now! You’ll be interviewing megalomaniacs such as myself for many, many years! Now, I must go. The crew of my secret, ahead-of-its-time space station await my presence! And oh, tell them Ava and I killed ourselves. People believe ANYONE who has a British accent!
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Frost: *sniffle* Good-bye Hitler…Goodbye!
*flying saucer-engines explode*
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40 YEARS LATER…

space_hitler
DIE you alien scum! Your life is over now that you’ve
encountered: SPACE HITLER!!!!

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